Hotknifing nylon

Okay, maybe it’s not a gear mod worthy of Make, but I modified my messenger bag the other day and thought it would be cool to share what I did and how I did it.

The bag has a pocket for an MP3 player, which is handy, but accessing it to pause it or change songs is kind of a pain. To rectify this, I purchased the iPod remote. It’s a wired remote for the iPod that has a clip on the back, just like the one on the iPod Shuffle. My plan was to clip the remote to the strap on the bag for easy access.

This worked well enough, except that any time something pulled on the cord the remote would fall off. The problem is that the nylon strap is too rigid and smooth for the clip to get a good grip on it. Time for some surgery.

bagmod1

Cutting a nylon strap with a knife is a bad idea because the nylon will start to fray. You can fix this by melting the nylon where you cut it. But what if you could cut… and melt… all in one step?

All the hash smokers in the crowd will be familiar with Step 1 here. Tip: don’t use the good silver.

bagmod2

Once you’ve got the knife good and hot, carefully press the tip against the strap where you want to make your cut. In hindsight, marking the strap where I needed to cut it would have made things a little easier.

Oh, and avoid breathing the fumes. They probably aren’t good for you.

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Time to attach the remote!

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The finished product.

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Hope you’ve found this useful or entertaining somehow. Be sure to tune in next time, when I’ll be building a lathe from a vacuum cleaner and a bicycle. So long!

Baseball

I think the worst thing that could ever happen to me would be to go to the doctor and find out that I have a tumour the size of a baseball, because I hate baseball.

Jumpy

…and that’s how I ended up with the midget’s chimpanzee in the trunk of my car.

Are we… We’re live? We’re on?

*straightens tie*

Hello everybody! Welcome to my inter-net web-site! I’d like to tell you about something that’s been on my mind.

I like drinking decaffeinated coffee. People always say “What’s the point?”, but I like the taste of coffee, and caffeine doesn’t agree with me so good. It makes me a little… jumpy.

The problem is, sometimes when you ask for decaf, the waitress/server/barista will pour you a cup of regular coffee by mistake. If I’m getting drip coffee I might notice them grabbing the carafe with the brown handle rather than the orange handle, but that’s only if I’m paying attention. If I’m purchasing a decaffeinated espresso beverage, as is my wont, the magic brown powder typically comes out of one of two grinding machines which, from my vantage point at the cash register, appear to be identical. And once the beverage arrives, there’s no way to tell whether it is decaffeinated or not — until you drink it.

I believe the tall decaf Americano I consumed this evening may not have been decaf after all.

Sooooooooooooooo let’s write a blog post! It’s only been what, almost three months since the last one? Much has happened since then. I was telling you about being on tour. Good times. Oh, hey, remember how in that post I talked about weird coincidences that had happened, and how there was one that I couldn’t remember? Well, I remember it now.

We were on our way into Revelstoke when we were stopped by a flag person who informed us that the highway between Revelstoke and Golden had been closed due to mudslides. It was getting late and we were planning on stopping in Revelstoke for the night anyhow, so that sealed the deal right there.

When we checked into our hotel room we turned on the local news-ticker channel to find out what was happening with the highway. You know the channel, where it’s just scrolling text with ads for area businesses and the audio portion is a retransmission of one of the local radio stations. So we’ve got this channel on and suddenly we hear, “Are you in a band? Are you on tour?” We just stared bug-eyed at each other. It was just an advertisement soliciting artists for some local folk festival, but it felt like CSIS had tapped into the TV in our hotel room to broadcast a message directly to us.

Other tour highlights: the amazing food and hospitality at the Ironwood Stage and Grill. Ditching the band to hang out with the grandparents and catching a flight to the next show — that’s rock star style, baby. Driving the scenic Crowsnest Highway from Lethbridge to Hope.

Alas, all good things must come to an end. Jay Dunphy and the Religion is no more — at least, that particular incarnation. Between that and Annie Nolan and the Ringtones being on permanent hiatus, I am presently bandless. (Or is it “disbanded”?) But who’s got time to play in a band when I’ve got unpacking to avoid? Yes, that’s right, I’ve ditched my boring suburban dirt-cheap student-model two-bedroom basement suite with roommate for an exciting near-downtown more-expensive one-bedroom character apartment (without roommate, obviously).

James Bay is a study of opposites: retirees and young professionals, well-to-do and down-and-out, character homes and highrises, locals and tourists. On one of the first nights in my new place, as I’m unpacking boxes, I’m watching a group of men in their 20s play street hockey in front of my building. Vehicle traffic requires the players to frequently give way. “Car!”, they call out, and a car passes by. “Bus!”, and the bus rumbles past. A clip-clopping of hooves approaches, and — “Carriage!” — as a horse-drawn buggy and its amused passengers make their way through.

Furnishing my apartment has been more of a chore than should reasonably be expected. I’d like to say the universe is conspiring against my efforts to visit IKEA, but it’s really just been poor planning on my part. And why I’m fixated on purchasing furniture from IKEA as opposed to, say, a store that isn’t a ferry ride away, I have no idea.

I’m blaming my friend Jenny. She’s a bit of an IKEA nut. (She recently blogged about this story about the “Hostel IKEA” event in Oslo where 150 people were invited to spend the night on the mattresses in their showroom. She was jealous.) She’s in Ireland right now but I’ll be able to blame her in person when I go to visit next month.

Well, the caffeine is wearing off. Perhaps it’s time to hit “Publish” and call it a night. Tomorrow will be a busy day. I’m going furniture shopping. And maybe a side trip to Starbucks.

Tour 2007 – Day 5

On the road. Typing this on my laptop in the back seat of Allan’s Dodge Caravan, the cargo area packed to the roof with drums, amps, and guitars. Surrounded on all sides by the majestic Rocky Mountains. Taking the Canmore exit to pick up some breakfast before we head on to Calgary.

Played the Rose and Crown in Banff last night to a mildly appreciative audience. Some drunk guy named Paul comes up to Josh between sets and asks if we know any Rolling Stones songs. “My favourite is ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’, man.” As it turns out, we actually do cover that song and it’s in our second set. Just the latest in a series of strange coincidences that includes Josh summoning a police officer through sheer force of conjecture, finding a television show about the ability of elephants to detect subsonic vibrations with their feet after discussing that very thing that afternoon, and something else which I cannot recall at the moment.

Anyways, just before we play the song, Jay asks me, “Should we invite Paul up to sing?” I reply in the negative; Jay invites him up anyways. Sometimes Jay is right. Paul can’t sing worth a damn but his wild gesticulations are entertaining.

As we are packing up our instruments, another inebriated patron — a cute girl there with her boyfriend — asks us if we could play a few more songs. “Sorry,” I reply, “but if you buy our album, you can listen to us play whenever you want.” “Don’t be smart,” comes the boyfriend’s retort. “No, you know what? I am going to buy your album,” the girl declares. Sweet. I’m not above manipulating drunk women to further our band’s financial aims.

All right, blow me,” Jay has just demanded. This is the routine we go through whenever Jay needs a smoke: his request is fulfilled by the driver turning on the blower and opening the vent. This combined with Jay opening the fold-out window in the sliding door helps keep smoke in the vehicle to a minimum.

Back to last night. I walk over to the merch table to grab a CD. By the time I get back to the girl, “Break On Through” by The Doors is playing, and she’s dancing with her boyfriend. Damn, cockblocked by Jim Morrison. We load up our gear and Allan, Josh and I head to the band house while Jay waits to get paid. When 3am rolls along and Jay still hasn’t shown up, we launch a search party. Turns out that Jay was getting drunk(!) with the staff back at the pub.

We did manage to sell a couple albums that night. That’s two more than we sold the night before, when our audience numbered around ten patrons. Of course, it probably didn’t help that we didn’t bother to set out the merch. A sample of my witty on-stage banter that night: “You’ve heard of hotels with vibrating beds? Last night we stayed in a vibrating room.” It was kind of true; our suite at the Canyon Motor Inn in Revelstoke was directly above a noisy steam valve that sounded at regular intervals. Jay and I went for dinner at the restaurant in the nearby Best Western that night. My Mediterranean chicken was delicious, except they forgot the chicken. “Must’ve flown away,” the waitress quipped. A small dish of sautéed chicken was eventually procured.

No Jay Dunphy tour would be complete without the coining of numerous euphemisms. Trout figured heavily into last year’s lexicon. Some entries from the current tour glossary: baking a Walnut Crunch, dumping the puck in for Buffalo, riding the steel horse, the Bronx Johnny, visiting the hatchery (another trout reference sneaking its way in). I’ll leave their meanings up to your imagination.

Our first two shows were a kind of exchange program with The Shine On from Vancouver. They opened for us at Steamers on Thursday, and we opened for them on Friday night at a coffee house/pub called Café deux Soleils in Vancouver. Good turnout and an appreciative audience at both. Lots of my friends came out to the Vancouver show which is always nice. Due to a miscommunication some of them missed most of our set, but c’est la Facebook. Big props to Jess and Rob for the burgers and corn that night.

We’re in Calgary now, relaxing at Jay’s sister’s place and stealing her neighbour’s Internets. Tonight, we shall rock off the faces of all the good people at the Ironwood Stage and Grill. Tomorrow Jay plays a solo acoustic set in O’Byrne’s Pub in Edmonton, then we head for St. Albert for a two-night stand at the Castle Rock Pub.

There, I’ve updated my blog! Is everybody happy now?

Show on Saturday

Both of the bands I’m in are performing on Saturday, Feb. 10 at Steamers Pub. Jay Dunphy and the Religion and Annie Nolan are playing with The Vacant Lot. Show starts at 10pm.

In other news, I’m doing a presentation at work tomorrow for a bunch of important people. Wish me luck.

Annie Nolan and Jay Dunphy at the Solstice

Annie and Jay are playing a solo acoustic show at the Solstice Café on Friday. Here’s the poster I did up for the show.

Poster for Jay and Annie at the Solstice Café

Pachelbel Rant

I played the cello when I was young, starting when I was five up until I was 13. In addition to lessons and recitals, I also performed in a string orchestra. As I imagine is the case for many youth string orchestras, Pachelbel’s Canon in D was a staple of our repertoire. Accordingly, this standup routine by comedian Rob Paravonian hit close to home.

I must admit, however, to having fond memories of running home after getting off the school bus, picking up my cello, and playing along with Pachelbel’s Canon on the radio. It was the closing music for one particular program on CBC Radio (which a quick Google search reveals to be Off the Record, hosted by Bob Kerr), and the timing of my arrival generally allowed me about 15 seconds of accompaniment.

My South Park Character

My South Park Character

Create your own at sp-studio.de.

To the guy who thinks his username on YouTube is Tweek

Dear Guy Who Thinks His Username On YouTube is Tweek:

Your username is not Tweek. My username is Tweek. Please stop clicking on the “forgot my password” link and typing in my username. I don’t need an email reminding me of what my password is, I already know it.

And YouTube, you’re not blameless in all of this. Why not follow the lead of sites like Flickr, Myspace, and pretty much every other site out there and require a user to enter the email address he signed up with to get his password reminder?

Islands at Legends

I am breaking my blog silence to tell you I just saw Islands perform at Legends, and my face hurts from smiling, they were that damn good. It was one of those shows that reminds me why I want to make music.

This is to be the month of concerts for me. Coming up: