- On Friday night, after rehearsing with your band, go to a party with the lead singer and the drummer. You will find yourself in a house with paints and an easel set up in the middle of the living room and strange artwork hanging on the walls. The eclectic mix of music on the stereo will include Dr. Hook and various 70s soul acts. Drink some beer. You will be invited to paint on a papier-mâché cast of a woman’s breasts. Go ahead, don’t be shy. Your mediocre effort will be somewhat overshadowed by a fairly brilliant creation by the drummer, however. Hang around until you are tired, then go home and go to bed.
- On Saturday, sleep in until 11 and then veg out in front of the computer for a few hours. The lead singer will call you and let you know he’s sick, so rehearsal will be cancelled for today. Go down to the jam space to pick up your bass amp and guitar, and then go get a haircut. After deciding you’ve got too much money in your bank account, go down to Long and McQuade and order in a pair of microphones.
- The lead singer for the other band you’re in will ask you to bring over a CD with her promo photos on it, so you’ll do that and end up sticking around to help her set up her new computer. After she heads off to work, her fiancée will invite you to stay for sushi and watch the hockey game with some friends. Drink some beer.
- When the lead singer returns, follow the group to a party. When you arrive, you will find one of the house’s occupants inviting partygoers to choose an outfit and put it on. Go ahead, don’t be shy. You’ll look a little silly in the halter top and pink sequined mini-skirt, but the velvet robe with the hood will totally suit you. Drink some beer.
- Pile some people into your car and head off to the next party. On the way there you’ll get stopped at a road check. You’ll get asked to provide a breath sample; you’ll blow well under the legal limit. Your mediocre effort will be somewhat overshadowed by your fellow partiers’ admiration at your courage and nonchalance in the face of such adversity. Arrive at the party and discover, with some relief, that costumes will not be required. Drink some beer. Hang around until you are tired, then go home and go to bed.
- On Sunday morning, wake up to the alarm you set the night before. Never mind that you’ve only had 6 hours of sleep, you’ve got a breakfast to attend! Go pick up some bacon and head to your friend’s house. The eclectic mix of friends and relations will enjoy some delicious fruit salad, scones, waffles, and the aforementioned bacon. Agree to walk down to the rail yard with your fellow breakfasters and be photographed in front of an abandoned building under a sign that used to say “hard hats required†except the top part has broken off, so now it only says “hats requiredâ€. You will all be wearing hats, naturally. Take home the leftover bacon.
- Get a call from the lead singer of the first band. Meet him at a coffee shop downtown to discuss promotion for your upcoming tour and the lead singer’s desire to hit God in the face in retaliation for all the rain that has fallen lately. You become aware of your own subdued mood, and the fact you still have too much money in your bank account. You attempt to remedy both situations by purchasing a 30GB iPod, which has its intended effect.
- Work on a blog entry about your weekend. Retrieve the leftover bacon you left in the trunk of your car and promptly forgot about it until writing about it. Consider drinking some beer, then think better of it. Finish up the blog entry, post it, and go to bed.
How to have an interesting weekend
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2 responses to “How to have an interesting weekend”
DUDE! I SO hope you have a picture of you in said velvet robe with the hood, the halter and mini would have been better, but either way! 🙂
God, I hate that you’re so famous and popular! While you were out “partying” with your new and fun friends, I was busy battling with God and the elements. Don’t worry ’bout me Tiger. I can totally fend for myself. But let’s just say that if/when this rain subsides and you’re wondering how it happened, I’ll have already gotten in multiple fistfights with a certain diety